Breaking Up is Hard AF

When I started this blog, I decided that if I’m going to do it, I have to be completely honest. Completely myself. Talk about the good and the bad that goes along with my life and my journey through life.

That being said, this past weekend was one of the hardest weekends of my life. I’m still having a hard time as I type and remember all the intricate details that happened. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share it, but here we go.

I lived with my boyfriend of a couple years before I moved to Chicago, and dated long distance. This past weekend I went back to Omaha to pick up the rest of my stuff, and finally move myself completely out of my ex’s house.

Though I thought it may be a little awkward, I never expected it to be as emotional and as hard as it truly was.

When you move in with someone you expect (or at least I did) that you are going to spend the rest of your life with that person. Whatever troubles you face, you’ll get through it, and it’ll work itself out. Four years ago I decided I needed to move to Chicago. He was most definitely not on board with it, but supported my decision. Looking back on it four years later, I’m not sure how I got to that place, or the actual logistics of how it happened. But he did support me and that’s all that mattered to me. We had our ups and downs and ultimately over the years, we couldn’t make it through.

Over time you accumulate a tremendous amount of stuff, memories, keepsakes, etc. And every one of those ended up at this house. From pictures, to Hudson’s favorite toys, to clothing that filled a closet made just for me in the basement. Going through the house was reminiscent of going through an estate sale of all my old things. Like someone died. Like I was forced to go pick up the pieces and belonging from a different lifetime ago.

This weekend I was forced to relive years of memories, happiness, heartbreak, struggle, and then let it all go, all in 48 hours.

I tried to be in the moment, I tried to take everything in, take in every “last” that will ever happen under that roof. I relived past moments as I went through memory boxes, packed up Hudson’s old toys and kennel, went through all the silly old clothes I wore as a 24-year-old when I thought I was the coolest ever.

My ex and I had a good conversation overall. Although it was emotional and difficult for both of us, this was the most adult breakup I’ve ever experienced. This weekend we experienced true closure that I had wanted and hoped for in previous relationships. It was very adult, very real, and very heart-wrenching. There are no ill feelings towards one another, there is nothing that could have happened differently. Our path simply came to an end, and that’s okay.

So, I guess the moral of the story is twofold,

1. Feel. Don’t brush off negative feelings, or hard times. Be in that moment, and feel them wholeheartedly. These hard times are what make you a stronger person in time. You learn more about yourself, and you are more yourself in these moments than you realize at the time. It will suck and you question everything you’ve done up to that point, but that’s okay. Embrace it, feel the pain, and come out on the other side a better, stronger person from it all.

2. Love. Love the one you’re with with all you’ve got. Don’t take them for granted. Praise, communicate, spend quality time, be honest, be real, and just love. Love is all we really have to give. Don’t let life, work, or struggles let you forget how to love. Don’t go to bed mad. Don’t go through the motions. Love them madly in each moment you are given with them.